The Illusive Groove

on resolutions and descending ascendants

2009-01-03T20:26:00.001-08:00

i am returned to canada since three months. these three months have been an experience. my swiss adventures were amazing. absolutely amazing. but now i am back. and so life goes on.
i was happier than i think i've ever been when i was in switzerland. i knew it would be hard to leave, but i am still surprised at the general feelings of loss. i have since left williams lake and relocated to vancouver. close to balance, i can feel it. but baby is still in der schweiz. i miss him so much, and i am sure everyone i know is tired of hearing me talk about him. he will visit me in another three, hopefully short, months. until then, its all about yoga.
i was thinking about yoga and being financially challenged. i thought, maybe i could just yoga-studio-hop. most studios have a free first class, right? i think about this and wonder if it is a tacky thing to do.
i just was reading about myself in a horoscope book. something called the ascendant. this is interesting to me. its based on the hour you were born, and apparantly if i had been born about an hour earlier than i was, i would be a humanitarian. way it turns out, i'm only half humanitarian, but also half hedonistic and self-loving, and half regretting not using the extra effort to push out earlier and be a bit more of a "blessing" to the human race. whatever.
i hope i don't turn into a brand-oriented person. actually, i think it might be too late. i work now in a brand-name clothing store. i get an enormous discount, so that it is actually worth buying the clothes in my cheap opinion. trouble is, my cheap opinion is not cheap anymore, but ready willing and (almost) able to shell out real money on regular priced stuff from other big brands. i don't know if this is going to make me a better person in the long run. eh.
new years resolutions this year: don't make new years resolutions. they are for people who are too lazy to fix stuff during the rest of the year. thing is, if its broke, fix it in july when it breaks, not in january just because everyone else is doing it.

on august

2008-10-20T02:32:00.000-07:00

12aug

christy feels dumb. she has moved to sweden and learned to speak chinese.
no matter how many german books i go through, i shall not learn swiss-german. and yet, everyone around me continues to speak swiss-german. unless, of course, they are addressing me personally, in which case they speak english. not german. this makes the conversations at the dinner table either very difficult for me, or very boring, depending on my mood. end of bitch-fest.

i have seen places. i have not written lately, as i have been so busy seeing places, and as i have no internet connection. and lately means about three months. so i have some catching up to do. btw, i write for myself.
i have now seen most of switzerland. the largest waterfall in europe, the rhinefall, is quite close (by canadian standards, of course), and quite spectacular. you can get right down next to it, too, which is pretty darn cool.

baby took me on a little motorbike trip through italy and the alps. we went over the stilfser-joch, which is like, 34 clicks of road with about 85 turns in it. CRAZY fun on a bike. we stayed a night on lago di garda, which is gorgeous, and perfect for swimming. we went to the tourist office to book a hotel, then we suited up, hopped on the bike, and drove fifteen metres to the hotel. as soon as we pulled into the parking lot, the manager ran out to us with a key in his hand. "duschen!" said he, pointing to the room, then, "baden!", pointing to the pool, and finally, "grappa!", pointing to the bar. (translation: shower, swim, get a little drunk.) he was great.
we went as far as venice. venice is a very special place. a little crowded, though. we went first in the evening, got lost and eventually stumbled upon a piazza and bars with outdoor terraces, where we had a drink. maybe two. then we looked at the map, got even more lost, and eventually had to ask a local to take us back to the bus station. the next day we went back and fell in love with the place, in spite of the gondaliers wanting two hundred euros for a ride in a boat, and in spite of having to pay to pee.

we went over the centovalli, which is actually a road, and it started to rain. we stopped in a little catholic town at about 2000 metres, and all the women were old and dressed really nicely, and i felt like a heel in my bike clothes and wouldn't go into the big beautiful church because i didn't want to offend anyone. the hotel there was full, so we went to the next town and stayed in a one-star, which i never would have considered had there not been lightning on the road ahead. no matter, it was a great place and i would go again in a heartbeat, even though i ran out of water halfway through rinsing out my conditioner. the girl who checked us in turned out also to be the bartender and the waitress in the little restaurant they had there. she was super-duper, and i really mean that. the food was also spectacular, cheap, and unending. i couldn't even eat the dessert (included in the super cheap price) because i was so full. and that is sad. but we had grappa after, because we were in italy, and i felt much better.

we eventually made it to zermatt to see the matterhorn, but the clouds wouldn't go away. so, instead of looking at that, we watched the olympics on tv. maybe we'll see it next time.

25aug
i spoke on the phone today with baby's youngest older sister. she's the one i haven't met because she is in africa. she speaks english with an african accent. she sounds nice. i don't get to meet her this trip, because they, she and her husband, are not coming back to switzerland until december, and i leave in september. that is sad.
i am published! officially! my baby was so very excited when i told him, he picked me up. after he dried his hands of course. (he was washing them when i told him).
hello, rooster. he is in the kitchen. he is called "gecku" but i don't know how to spell it.
i have read several books recently. we found a stash of english books upstairs from when the older sisters were learning. there are lots of famous ones that i always wanted to, but never did, read.
baby's mother has done some travelling. the other day she showed me pictures from london, italy, france and austria.
good chocolate is cheap here. comparatively. its too bad i have to go.
we went yesterday to the emmental to a show-cheesery. we learned how the famous holey swiss cheese is made, and could see the big vats of cheesey-goo being made through a glass window. the woman working in there knew that everyone was watching her clean things and change parts and push buttons. i couldn't clean things and change parts and push buttons with everyone watching me. she had white rubber boots on.
power status: battery charge is low. gotta go.

on weeks

2008-04-24T06:54:00.000-07:00

12apr
10:30 last night we were racing go-carts. it was fast. they were fast. i drove right into the wall, bounced off, and did a 180, really fast, and it was great. better, actually, when i was moving, and not crashing, but always great. except today my neck is spasming all over the place. which is quite uncomfortable. baby belongs to a motorcycle club, and it were they whom we went with to the racetrack. because, as everyone knows, people in motorcycle clubs like speed. every time i went around a particularly sharp bend in the track, all i could think was, “i have medical insurance!”
on another note, ich liebe den schocolade. thats german.

17apr
major moment just now. i was listening to the beatles, imagine, when the bells started ringing perfectly in tune and beat with the music. ah, the bells.
on sunday we went to rigi mountain, near lucerne. as we rode up on the train at about a 45degree angle, i felt as though i would fall from my seat onto the passenger across from me. luckily, the passenger across from me was my heartthrob, and i was unconcerned. we ate in a lovely restaurant on the mountain, where the waiter spoke english. i have come to realize that there is no lack of english-speakers no matter where i go. as a matter of fact, most of the visitors to the mountain were in fact tourists, specifically english-speaking tourists. nevertheless, i often remain diligent in my german language studies.
this week i am left alone to my vices, as my lovely man has been taken away from me by the swiss army. only during these three weeks, however, must i entertain myself, as he is allowed to come home on the weekends. i am planning an excursion, but i shall keep the details to myself until the time has come to share experiences, and not just plans, with you.

18apr
picked up baby from the army today. as i was driving on the scary european highway, i suddenly changed my mind. no longer was it a terrifying place to be, where the cars, all driving at outrageous speeds, are clustered together in the inevitable vicinity of death and serious injury, oh no. now it has become a challenge, a race, a hoot. who can be the fastest, the most spry, hurtling through the other traffic, from one lane to the next and back again, over and over in a jumble of cars and speed and cautious danger. and the only reason they do it is because they can. what a lovely place.

22apr
it has been raining for two days straight without stopping. no wonder this country is so green.
baby's mother is charming. she telephones her amigos all afternoon. however, if the phone rings of its own accord, she responds, “ja, ja,” slowly rises from her seat where she has been reading or trying to converse with me, exchanging her broken english for my broken german, and blithely grumbles all the way to the corner where the phone resides and answers in a pleasant voice. she works hard and is happy, and i admire her already.
saturday we went to bern. we saw the old town, about 700 years old to be precise, with its buildings still intact and beautiful. in the old cellars, with doors opening into the street, are shops and cafes. on ground level are more shops and cafes with terraces out into the cobblestone street. the river runs right through the city, and there are amazing views from wherever you are. the cherry trees are in full blossom and their flowers are spread about between the cobblestones and in the grass. we saw the cathedral, which absolutely makes the skyline. it was breathtaking. it took over 600 years to be built, and finally it was finished in the late 1800s. floor to ceiling stained glass windows with depictions of literal holy terrors are on every wall. the pipe organs were the most impressive, though. the largest, hidden above the entrance, was shiny and brilliant, complete with angel sculptures and elaborate paintings. to climb to the top of the tower for an impressive view of the city costs CHF4, which i think is a touch ridiculous in a church. but nobody asked me, so it will continue, i'm sure.
it's still raining.

23apr
can't find a wireless connection to save my life.
forgot to mention the rock concert we went to saturday night. we went to a rock concert saturday night. a swiss band, who incidentally sings in english, called shakra. very nice, actually. i quite enjoyed it. something else about this lovely country – red vodka. wonderful stuff. very nice mixed with red bull – drunk, maybe, but not sleepy! good combination for a concert of this volume.
met baby's godmother today. very nice lady. speaks english. big family, this one. baby's got five sisters, two brothers, all of whom have spouses, some of whom have children, and every one has a godmother and a godfather. that's large. i have one sister. that's small. so who says a bit of contrast ain't good for the soul.
i have had no access to the internet for over two weeks. i have a list as long as my arm of things i need to look up stat. i'm so sad. i might go crazy. if you visit an asylum in the near future, don't be surprise if you see me there.
side note: it's still raining, but only outside.

24apr
in a cafe in aarau. posting. feeling relief. over and out. and lame.

on travelling and disappearing acts

2008-03-28T08:23:00.000-07:00

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26mar

for my next trick, on the count of go, i shall disappear before your very eyes and shall not reappear until six months have come and gone! aaaaand..... go!

so i'm hiding in switzerland. it's amazing. trick actually worked!

we had a layover in amsterdam for about two hours. i wrote some postcards home because now i am a flag-wearing, map-toting tourist. when we landed in zurich, giant snowflakes were falling. winter just follows me wherever i go. it reminded me of home a bit – the four seasons in canada*: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction. i guess that since i knew switzerland had hardly any snow this winter, i brought some with me, because canada won't miss it.

now i am in moosleerau, one of switzerland's many villages. in each village reside about two or three hundred people, and just down the road and just over that hill are more villages. they are charming and quaint little places, comfortable and homey and swiss. moosleerau is in a valley, but the mountains here are small. some of the trees are strange to me, but most of the countryside is quite similar to canada. sometimes i forget i am in europe for that reason, but then i see a doorknob or a toilet or the windows on the side of a house and it nudges me back into the dream. soon we'll be travelling a bit and i'll have lots more to say.

*joke courtesy of meine schwester.

27mar

we went to aarau today. bought an adapter for my electronic gadgets and a dictionary. the language seems impossible – swiss-german is like a whole different language than german, although essentially the structure is the same. babe told me just to learn german because you can't learn swiss from a book, so i had almost given up until today. we wandered into a bookstore downtown aarau and i spotted an english/german/swiss-german dictionary. now i feel that the culture shock will actually wear off (eventually).

speaking of culture shock, oh my god. it's a bit overwhelming, everything changing at once. the time, the language, the food, even mealtimes. all of my surroundings are strange. it's exciting and terrifying at once. and i always want to sleep. i read that if you don't sleep on the plane, the jet lag lasts one day for every time zone you cross. so that makes nine days for me. nevertheless, i am having a hoot! until next time.

28mar

baby went to aarau again today for paperwork, and he's bringing me chocolate. ya baby.

child prodigy; part ii

2008-03-19T00:12:00.000-07:00

snow pilgrim
eating wild mushrooms,
toxic presence overpowers sky
planting there
with roots deep as sunflowers

circa 2003

on life's unexpected occurrences

2008-03-18T09:05:00.000-07:00

i am going to switzerland in six days. for six months. this is my big chance, baby. see the world, meet some people, eat some food, do some stuff. i couldn't be more excited. or afraid.

i am going to switzerland in six days with my swiss boyfriend. only, i don't like the term "boyfriend" for some raison peculiar and unknown. it seems a touch juvenile or something. not that i am terribly grown up, but neither am i in the eighth grade. the girls at work called him my "heartthrob." not bad, not bad.

i am going to switzerland in six days with my swiss heartthrob. i shall be meeting his parents and his eight brothers and sisters. wow.

in other news, i won $9 on a lottery ticket.

on the lunchroom, once again

2008-02-02T02:05:00.000-08:00

somehow today at work, the subject of lunchroom conversation became the difference between dealers and the guys who collect. a coworker said this: "if we could get away with it, we would all do it. sit back, collect the money, but stay spotless. i would do it. everyone would do it."

i'm not sure that i have disagreed with anything more in my life. not self-righteous, no. it's just wrong.

sure, it's easy to collect the dough, make the threats, have the power. you just don't see what it does to people. lives are ruined because the ones with the power are the ones with the greed and apathy. the bosses watch their underlings polish the new boat and redo the house while the addicts inch their way closer to the grave, while everyone pushes and while nobody is left to pull them back out.

on freezing herbs, etc.

2008-02-02T01:48:00.000-08:00

"if you can't get out an english word, that's embarassing. you gotta sit back for a while."

"i tried pot one time. i didn't know what he was putting in my deep-freeze. you do put herbs in the deep-freeze."

new revelation. the latter is a quote from my mother.

sleeping in.
eating butter.
drinking wine.
timing.
fondue.

i should write a haiku. but i don't think i will.

on time and mathematics

2008-01-30T18:26:00.000-08:00

I feel as though I should have been born in 1905. I wasn't. I wonder if that was supposed to happen. Maybe it's a lesson of some kind. Let's see how we can put this to practical use, like math.

I will say this: Travelling must have been much easier in 1905. I'm not a terrorist. I never have been, nor do I plan to become, a terrorist. Yet I cannot evade all kinds of necessary paperwork and ulcer-causing problems. It makes me want to talk like a pirate; "Aaaaargh!" (just as an example).

1905. When women were strong, but not obvious; nurturing, yet itching to create scandal. When women were filled with an explosive desire to break out of the box that society confined them to, and nearly ready to. Must have been infuriating and amazing to be a part of it. Now that the work is done we often take our boxless existences for granted. Which is too bad.

1905. To be around when original Picassos were cheap, when Hollywood was crowned the movie capital of the world, when food was always fresh and water always clean. Around when rules of etiquette slowly began to unravel, when skirts became shorter, and when music became art. This I would have liked to experience.

Not that IPods and Wiis aren't really really neat.

on what he just said

2008-01-28T20:35:00.001-08:00

are those your only problems?

on grammar and indecency

2008-01-21T01:00:00.000-08:00

i work in a photo lab. i am often shocked by the pictures people are brave enough to share, even though they are only sharing them with me, an impartial, silent stranger whom they will never encounter again. the rest of the time, i am relieved that i am the one to see them rather than some unknown person who might make copies and post them on the internet, for example, one of my co-workers. "that would be so worth getting fired!" he says to me. part of me is inclined to agree, while the other part is shaking my head in disbelief.
still, think twice next time you take your dirty photos in.

facebook is ridiculous. not to sound like a hater, but it is just way too popular for its own good. i went to mine today, you know, routine checkup, to find it telling me to put all my applications on a second page. because, of course, under the assumption that i will add four or five hundred more applications per week, i should keep my main page "less cluttered." so i deleted them all. ha.

you won't find it unless you go look for it.
enough said.

lunch break today. as i was drinking my tea, squeezing in that last bit of chill time before i returned to confront the crazies and the photos, i started an argument. i didn't mean to. somebody mentioned that she had a hard time keeping track of time, and therefore stated that "whoever invented clocks suck." i couldn't help it. i corrected, "sucks." which i'm sure is right. "whoever invented clocks sucks." but suddenly, i was lost in a sea of opposition. it started out as "it's plural, so it's suck," briefly became "clocks is plural, so it's suck," then was settled at "whoever is plural, so it's suck." i said, "whoever is singular." but of the ten or so people in the room, 3 were strongly against my absurd ideas, 2 were practically over the fence, and the rest just couldn't make up their minds. i, of course, was on my side. well, the squabble hadn't faded ten minutes later. i didn't know what to do. i announced my withdrawal from the conversation, which was dramatically met with sighs of relief and a shout of comprimise: "whoever invented clocks is dead, so it should be "sucked."" good nuff.

on champagne and crazies.

2008-01-08T15:49:00.000-08:00

happy 2008! that means my twentieth year. holy ancients, batman!

i had a fantabulous new year's week... not necessarily including night/morning of. not that it didn't have it's good points too, but looking back, the bar might be leaning slightly badways.

i spent the week at sun peaks, skiing and drinking and commiting heinous sins. not to mention spending all those dimes i've worked so hard to attain. might have spent someone else's dimes too, but i just don't remember.

people are so crazy. so very very crazy. on the eve of 2008, there was a party in the lodge. live music. nice bar. shortage of chairs, crowded dance floor. tons of foreign countriers. one in particular, an austrian. traditional garb, even. he floated over to our group when he heard a german/swiss-german conversation, as my travelling buddies are native to that language, to europe even. and then it was 12. complimentary champagne and kisses. and here is herr lederhosen, with a secret... "follow me." he had smuggled in two bottles of the finest champagne, "from frawnce!" pushing the first towards me, he urged, "you are very beautiful... you must open it!" as it was not mine, i thought it not overly proper to do so, and respectfully declined. he insisted. i declined once more. he insisted again. and so on, and so forth. long story short, i popped the cork and poured away. it was a very exhilerating experience (it was my first time). we clinked glasses, and that was that. literally. you see, i have a weakness called champagne. i'll stop there.

and then there was skiing. amazing views. wind blowing through everything. steep hills. gently rolling inclines. lifts carrying us above the trees. lifts dumping us all over each other and the strangers unfortunate enough to climb on with us. we met people from all over the world -australia, france, austria, england, south africa, coquitlam. cool cool time.

the friday after new year's my boyfriend and i spent in kamloops, a.k.a. "the big cereal." we spent hours in bookstores and music stores, and i was very content. the cereal's lower east side, however, is full of crazies. i didn't know that, as my father is a store nazi, and only ever took us to the mall when we went on daytrips. i thought, hey, we have freedom today, let's go downtown. so we did, and i discovered the reason that my father is a store nazi. literally, as soon as we get out of the car, we meet one of them. the crazies, i mean. we're just walking down the street, having a conversation, behind "her," when she turns around and jumps right in. uninvited. not so bad, you're thinking. i know. but then, eyes bulging, she starts telling us her life story, then ends with "now i live over there. i'm just walking downtown, you know, taking a walk. don't know where i'm going. you know where you're going? need directions anywhere?" i'm thinking, run away. the innocent on my right isn't. "we're looking for the library!" he says. "oh!" she says, "that's where i'm going! i'll take you!" what a strange woman. so we round the corner, and she turns right to go up a ramp, apparently with a door at the end. "come on!" she says. i tell her i want to check out a bookstore across the street, and it is all over. we hide out in the bookstore for about an hour, then head over to the ramp she has taken. we turn the corner to the door, then i reach for the doorknob. but there is no doorknob. there is no window. there is nothing. nothing else up the ramp, either. it is a down ramp, and an out door. not an in door. an out door. with no way to get in. no way to get in. i'm telling you, crazies. we go to the art gallery, which is in the same building, passing the door to the library. mr subtlety over here sees her in the library, and without thinking, pulls me away from the opening like a bomb is about to go off. "the crazy lady's in there!" i think maybe he's one too.

on flying ice and parenthood

2007-12-11T19:11:00.000-08:00

good news. it has been two months and it looks like i still hold the same job. in other news, it's winter. cold, snowy, icy winter. today as i was driving downtown, i turned a corner and *SMACK* something slammed into my windshield. it was a piece of ice. don't ask me, i don't know. here's the thing though: it happened twice.

it's almost christmas! and i've been away. i'm sorry. it looks like i've missed blog's birthday. what a terrible mother i am. happy belated birthday, blog.

on the great mr. disney and other things

2007-10-15T13:43:00.000-07:00

new job. once again. i develop pictures at a grocery store. woot woot. mostly fun, slightly complicated, often frustrating... good learning experience. i thought i had patience until i took this job.

what else is on the menu?

cinderella. what a fabulous movie that is. from way back, when walt disney himself decided what went into his pictures and what stayed out. when quality was the only important factor. i miss the disney musicals. they don't really do that anymore, i've noticed. maybe they think that musicals are too last century; maybe they want to do a fresh new style. it's fine, i just think that cartoon musicals got a little somethin-somethin over the rest. hand-drawn, too. every frame. you would never catch filmmakers doing that anymore. everything's done on computers now. takes all of the charm out of the films, if you ask me. i'm sure mr. disney would agree.

friends for life, friends for life.
we're not that different at all.
friends till the end.
you've got a friend in me.

love will live. love will last. love goes on and on and on.
this is what makes life divine.
now i'm in a whole new world with you.
that's what makes the world go round.
i know something's starting right now.
in the end i wanna be standing at the beginning with you.
let me be your wings.
i'll never let you go.

on fish and windshield wipers

2007-09-27T14:11:00.000-07:00

i feel like i'm always jobless lately. well, you know, in between jobs.

i would like to fly someplace soon. anywhere i guess would be great.

i'm drinking chai.

my car broke recently, but thankfully i have a truck to fill in. terrible on gas, meaning also on the environment and my wallet, but i'm learning to deal.
my truck only has two windshield wiper speeds -- fast and super-fast. today it rained hard enough to warrant using the fast setting without that horrible squeaking sound that the rubber makes when forced across the dry windshield.

the other night i went out for dinner with a friend and i had stuffed sole. i'd never had that before. fish good.

on life.

2007-09-20T18:43:00.000-07:00

feeling rage right now. little bit.

on felt feelings

2007-09-14T15:21:00.000-07:00

i feel scared and young and proud and static. i feel loved and hated. i feel still and bustling and playful and small. i feel introverted. pliable. risqué. untouched. mature. right. wrong. everything. nothing. i feel pain and bewilderment and indifference. i feel strength. confusion. dominance. optimism.

there is still love in the world.
i'm addicted.

things happen. you just have to roll with the punches. brush it off, start a new day. the world is your oyster. oyster?

Imagination governs the world. - Napoleon

on september

2007-09-08T16:54:00.000-07:00

today it is still september. today i worked. on the yesterday of last week, i gave my two weeks notice at work. finding a new job is now one of the first five to-dos on my to-do list. although i'm not sure if i want one. maybe i should just go someplace. i'm not really feeling the whole "here" thing. i might find a new here. don't know which one to pick though. could've gone to school i guess, but it's now too late. too bad, because now i know what i might absolutely want to take. but i don't want to do school yet. i want to be a gypsy. i could do that now, i guess. looks like i might not have anything to do around this here by the end of next week. i should be a gypsy. yes. that sounds great.

as does cake and barbeques. and salami.

i think i'll just pick a place on a map and go there for a bit.

i think i just saw a guy with a scarf on his head.

on pizza and style

2007-08-10T19:50:00.000-07:00

i once ate two entire pizzas by myself. it was pretty great.

right now i'm listening to ozzy osbourne. not an entirely characteristic thing for me to do, but hey. you only live once. whooo! whoo.

if i had a million dollars, i would buy steak with it. and go everywhere. and buy steak there too. and then i would eat it.

i want to go to every continent. i want to experience every culture. i want to see all of the landmarks, and then go to the rundown places. and the quirky places. and the places that haven't been corrupted by the tourism industry.

i love the elderly ones who have personality. sass. character. fearlessness. satisfaction. the ones who know what they want. who have lived, and know it. who realize that they are not dead yet. who see that there is still a world to be experienced. who experience it.

on looking up

2007-08-02T02:36:00.001-07:00

ask me what the latin means.

on today

2007-08-02T02:24:00.000-07:00

i'm the manager now. at my job, which i've had for about a week and a half. don't really know how that happened. owners are totally nuts.

also making headlines today: ben and jerry's was on sale tonight, so i bought two cartons. pretty excited about that.

i just started reading a new book. it's called pawn of prophecy. a friend lent it to me. i'm actually enjoying it quite a bit; it's fantasy-ish, which usually isn't really my thing, but i just whipped right through the first seven chapters. i might go pick it up again, actually. see ya.

oh, also, in case you were wondering, or perhaps didn't notice, i'm not feeling particularly inspired to write tonight. next time, oh next time.

on what i just wrote about

2007-07-22T18:39:00.000-07:00

i have a job. it's new. i make coffee, and stuff. i kinda like it.

man, i was going crazy with nothing to fill my days with. and then i found some, ugh, hobbies, thinking being busy would take my mind off the general feelings of inadequacy. and then i started getting money from the government, which was like, worse. but now i have a job of my very own, and things are coming together once again.

ok, so i'll keep up with the hobbies. i like them. i'm just glad that i don't have to depend on them anymore. now that i have day-to-day monotony, i can escape it! isn't that just a thrill a minute?

oh no. there is one downside to this. i hope i don't have to give it up entirely, but i will definitely have to cut down on jumping trains.

on true nature

2007-07-19T17:36:00.000-07:00

christy --[adjective]: Like in nature to a train-riding hobo

this is how i would be defined in the dictionary, according to a certain website. fitting, i suppose. maybe i am a train-riding hobo. or was in another life. either way, it certainly sounds interesting.

actually, it is a quite suitable sum-up. for the most part, anyway. a hobo, according to wikipedia, is something of a wandering homeless person with a habit of hopping freight trains, moving from town to town in search of work. something to do. not necessarily a dream, but it has potential. typically, this lifestyle is/was forced upon the less fortunate, showing up especially during the great depression. nowadays, however, with work available all over, in most cases, one could play the travelling hobo card as an excuse to see the world. don't get me wrong, this might not be a forever kind of thing, but it could be a freeing experience.

imagine, no possessions. no roots. no obligations. learning to appreciate the little things. seeing the world through these eyes would, i think, open up the heart. it is of invaluable importance that we understand and appreciate the things that we take for granted.

excuse me please. i think i'll go hop a train.

on a prodigy between kid and grown-up

2007-07-18T10:41:00.000-07:00

I found this in one of my old notebooks:

my name is george
jodie has nice teeth
purplish in colour
so i end
my poem

with a poem that says
i'm not repetitive
i'm not repetitive
i'm not
repetitive
my name is george
so i end my poem

circa 2002

on fear and the cosmos

2007-07-12T18:36:00.000-07:00

i was just up on the roof. it's aluminum, meaning hot. i was moving a great big antenna with a rake to make the static on the tv go away (not my idea, by the way, i'm just the pawn in this game). don't mourn for me, however, for as you may have guessed, i made it out alive.

it was positively thrilling seeing the world from twenty feet higher. for some reason, when i see the ground from the roof, i'm not afraid of falling, but when i look up, i freeze. i get that furious butterfly feeling you get when you're on a roller coaster and you go up and down and up and down. like i'm afraid of falling into the sky. which, i think, is quite bizarre, since i've never lost my footing and fallen up.

the sky is much farther than the ground. that must be the reason. subconsciously, i must be afraid that if i look at the sky for too long, gravity will suddenly reverse and throw me into the universe. into the ever-changing, unforgiving, great expanse of everythingness just above my head.

i think that's a legitimate enough fear.

memory is a funny thing

2007-07-12T17:27:00.000-07:00

the british are coming! the british are coming!

holy coconuts, batman!

2007-07-05T14:00:00.000-07:00

there are three little bits missing from the surface of my kitchen counter. a few years back, we bought a coconut. and we couldn't get it open. so we pulled out the hammer, and a nail, and missed the coconut at least three times.

on living... a masterpiece or just a mess

2007-07-05T12:39:00.000-07:00

for the past month or so, life has been glorious. the kind of summer that just says to you, "i am summer. hear me roar." living out of my car, moving with the breeze. lovely breeze.
i've kind of been embracing my artistic side, too. drawing. writing. snapping pictures. making music. learning. loving.

and then everything stopped.

it's not about the way he looks. it's about what's inside. and inside is gold too. for me, inside was a wall. i thought if i could loosen up, let down that wall... but all i did was warp the wall. i couldn't let him in. and now too much has happened. he doesn't know me. i don't know me.

what a mess.

thoughts

2007-07-04T18:40:00.000-07:00

slowly, steadily, pavement disappears beneath my feet
conquered by each step

there, a house
i wonder for who lives in it
so much life i do not know

pick up the pace

car passes my thoughts
she rushes to find
what she will soon forget

racing myself
i long to see the place unconsumed by need
unconsumed by greed
solitary
secluded
sanctuary

a spider spins her torturous web
she knows only this tree, and that bush
not loss, or lust
i wonder about love

i run away
i run towards
i run to run
i stop

it's art!

2007-06-06T15:12:00.000-07:00

This is a piece of modern art that I stumbled upon one day in a chinese restaurant. I loved it so much at the time that I just had to photograph it. Just now, while browsing through my pictures, I've stumbled upon it again and remember why I loved it so much to begin with. Anyway, I just had to share it with the world. So here you go, world, enjoy!

on life and her cruelty

2007-06-05T02:01:00.000-07:00

i try to but am sure that i never will understand why things happen. more specifically, i am sure that i never will understand why awful things happen to wonderful people.

the head of a caring and generous family is taken away after months of struggling with cancer.
half of an amazing young couple, the kindest man i will ever know, is claimed by the same fate months before his second child is born.
a treasured wife, mother, daughter, and friend battles for over a year before she, too, succumbs to the disease and misses the transformation of her two young sons into the men that they will become.

these people all had tremendous support, hope and prayers behind them to the very end. everybody believed so hard that "the end" would turn out differently. but it didn't. and i'm here asking why.

why is it that the people who least deserve it are the ones who get it? whatever happened to karma?

i'm afraid that i may never understand life's cruelty. some say that everything happens for a reason; to make us stronger, to guide us later on. but i fail to see how a child will learn life through losing a teacher. i fail to see how a young girl will become stronger by walking down the aisle alone.

my feelings seven hours ago

2007-06-05T01:43:00.001-07:00

rain, lovely rain, glorious rain.

one chapter down...

2007-05-25T15:24:00.000-07:00

Today is a beautiful day. I don't know if you seen it, but I'm telling you right now, it's beautiful. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and the cliches are piling up.

I decided to take advantage of this weather and catch up on some reading this afternoon. So I grabbed a pillow and my most recent 'I've-decided-to-read-this-no-matter-how-long-it-takes-me-just-so-I-can-say-I-read-it-and-perhaps-expand-my-mind-a-little-in-the-process' book and headed out into the sunshine. Where it was warm.

Right now, it is still a gorgeous afternoon. Yet I am not outside. I am, in fact, inside. Turns out that a half a kilo of SPF30 is only enough when it's cloudy. And I suspect that, being a fair-skinned redhead with only half a kilo of SPF30, venturing out-of-doors to take advantage of the sunshine was not exactly the most brilliant of ideas.

And here is where I tell you why.

I only have half a kilo of after-sun.

on art and dissatisfaction

2007-05-24T16:01:00.000-07:00

I've always felt like I could be a writer. You know, poems, stories, songs. I'm really good at descriptions and editing. The trouble is that I can't manage to write a story to edit or a find a subject to describe. And I can't write a poem to save my life.

Prime Example:
There once was a girl from the Nile
Who sat in the sun for a while
She started to bake
So she jumped in the lake
And was ate by a big crocodile

Okay, acceptable as a limerick, yet lacking something. Am I wrong?

This little dilemma all started back before I was born when I decided to become artistic. And when I was old enough to move, I did a little dance and called it art. And then, when I was old enough to pick up a crayon, I made a mark on a paper and called it art. And then, when I was old enough to reach the piano, I pushed a few keys and called it art. And now, I am old enough to write, and if I put a few words together I feel like they have no purpose; no meaning. That is, of course, if I can figure out which words to put together.

I seem to be able to write about things that I am not satisfied about, though, so I guess that's a start.

Maybe I'll call it art.

the little prince (by antoine de saint-exupery)

2007-05-22T22:54:00.000-07:00

You should read this story.

http://home.pacific.net.hk/~rebylee/text/prince/contents.html

Go there and read it. Or better yet, go to your local library and find the book version. It's so much more charming on paper.

Either way, I would recommend that you begin with chapter one.

on doing nothing

2007-05-22T21:51:00.000-07:00

A week and a half ago I had my birthday. It was really nifty.

Yesterday I slept until 6:30. Like, p.m. Not so nifty.

Now I have this great disappointment in myself. As in, if this is how I'm spending my time, my life, I might just as well not have it. Not to say that sleeping until after dinner is a regular occurence, but still. There are more worthwhile things to do than sleep. I can sleep when I'm dead.

I've always felt that I have this sort of responsibility to myself to make something of myself, spend every moment I can doing something that will benefit somebody, learn about something new every day, you know, be a better person. And I feel so terribly guilty when I don't. But I shouldn't. I think. Well, I dunno, maybe I should. I don't like knowing that I've wasted an entire day that I will never get back.

Maybe I'll get over it.

on curses and being hit by trains

2007-05-04T23:57:00.000-07:00

i have no job.

this all began about two weeks ago. actually, it began about eight months ago, when i was changing jobs. my former employer had decided to close the shop i was working in, and therefore i was obviously not needed. luckily, i had aquired a second job (at the restaurant) shortly before this was announced, and was able to smoothly transition into only one job once again. and so it was. and it was all sunshine and rainbows (well, figuratively speaking, it was not sunshine and rainbows at all, but its all over now and i don't really want to talk about that), when suddenly, two weeks ago, BAM! i was hit by a train and i lost my job. well, figuratively speaking, of course. the bosses announced that they had decided to close the restaurant. so yesterday was my last day, which means that now, i have no job.

let's just backtrack a little bit here. in the past year, i have held two jobs. and i lost them both for the same reason. now, of course, i have begun to think that i may carry a curse of some sort. i'm sure it's just bad luck, but it is still a curse.

i'm very excited to see what happens next.

may 12. mark it on your calendar.

2007-04-24T22:34:00.000-07:00

It's almost my birthday. I like birthdays. I guess.
I plan to do lots of things on my birthday. I'm pretty excited about the whole thing. Although I don't seem to have much to say about it.

restless feet

2007-03-18T10:40:00.000-07:00

I am a very undecided person. Very undecided. Huh.

No, I'm not undecided, I just am restless. So I keep making plans. I think that's what it is. I like plans, I wish I could carry them out. Actually, the fact that none of my plans are being carried out is probably what is making me so restless that I have to make more plans. Vicious circle. Incredibly vicious. I am so upset.

On Ballet and Tina Turner

2007-03-11T14:23:00.000-07:00

I'm better now.

So I have a plan. I'm going to Whistler. Actually, I've just decided to go get a job on a train, doing all that I love. So I'll be leaving in a few hours I think.

Well, it's been a while since I've been thinking clearly enough to add a post to my blog, so there's probably a bit to catch up on. This past week has been quite exciting for me. On Wednesday a ballet came to town. Yes, a real live ballet, complete with professional dancers and a pompous, yet friendly, director. And I went to it. It was amazing. And I sat in the front row. It was amazing. Then, on Friday, Tina Turner came to town. Alright, she wasn't the real Tina Turner. But she did an awfully good job pretending to be her. I know this because I was there. It was amazing. There was singing. There was dancing. In fact, there were six professional dancers, who were amazing, right there dancing for Tina. Alright, she wasn't the real Tina. But still. And I sat in the very back row. And I enjoyed it. Not quite as much as the ballet, of course. But it was very nice.

I bought some cheese this week too.

{...}

2007-02-20T20:49:00.001-08:00

I can't breathe.

The Hockey Game

2007-02-11T13:07:00.000-08:00

I went to a hockey game the other night. The Williams Lake team, the TimberWolves, against Prince George. It was intense. See, the T-Wolves were losing by two for the first two periods, but then in the third they scored two goals in like, two minutes. And then they were tied. And it went into overtime. The winning goal was scored by a TimberWolf who, after falling on his knees without losing possession of the puck, reached it with his stick, fell to the ice, and totally got it past the goalie. It was incredible. Really.

Somebody tried to ruin the game for me though. My day, even. She was just this rude, snobby, "everything goes my way or I am just not happy" kind of person. And she had bad hair.

Anyway, about twenty minutes into the game, she and her man come to the row that a couple of friends and I were sitting in. Let me just tell you now that the bleachers were not full. Not even close. You might say half-full. You might even say half-empty. Anyway, so the two of them walk down the stairs like they own the place, look at the seats next to us, look at their tickets, look at us, look at the seats again, and then say, "Uh, excuse us, you're sitting in one of our seats." Because, lets face it, they were the only seats left, and this was important. Really, this should have tipped me off right away, but, being the kind of person that I am, never doubting that everyone has the potential to be a kind, sharing person, it didn't tip me off at all.

So, first period ends. Those people who are there to keep you entertained during the intermissions appear and attempt to entertain us. Then they have a contest. "The section that makes the most noise wins pizza! Yay!" And, while the fun-wreckers next to us remained in their seats and not a sound escaped their lips, the rest of our section was working to win pizza. Which we did. Congratulations to us. Thing is though, when they brought around the pizza, they pretty much didn't have enough for everyone. So, when the guy brought the pizza box to mes amis et moi, there were two tiny pieces left. Not really enough anyway, but wait, it gets better. Psycho-chick literally jumps over us to the pizza man, scoops the two slices, and then says, "This is all that there is? Why is there only two tiny pizzas for this whole section? Look at how small these slices are! This is not a prize!" I'm thinkin, holy smack lady, sorry, insensitive bitch, let's just not talk right now. I'll show you a friggin pizza. Dear god, woman!

Second period. Yay, two goals! Yay, a fight! Yay, the wave! What an excellent game! Meanwhile, psycho-bitch has disappeared to go complain about the pizza thing. End of second period. Cal-Tire people come and assault the spectators with oversized t-shirts, hats and locks (yes, locks, as in those heavy metal things with keys). Then, onto the ice come three people who have won, somehow, a trip onto the ice to get prizes. But lo and behold, who is this person among them? Yes, that's right. It's her. She has a choice; two $50 gift certificates for vehicle repairs at Cal-Tire, or, you can have what's in this box. Of course, she assumes that what is in the box is better than engine work, because, why would she settle for that? And the other two "winners" have the same theory. So they all proceed to open their "gifts." A look of dissatisfaction appears on the woman's face. She's won a mug set. And a gift certificate to Cal-Tire. She shrugs her shoulders and exits the ice, no thank-you's or appreciation of any kind, dragging her mug set behind her. When she returns to her seat, she has the same look. Kind of, "Well, of course I won, but this prize is crap."

I am disappointed in mankind when I encounter people like that. Don't be like that.

on university and decision-making...

2007-02-06T10:22:00.000-08:00

I'm at that point in my life where a crucial decision must be made. But I don't know how to make it. See, I have a job, but it's not very fulfilling. Honestly, I bring people food. And the thing is, they really don't appreciate me as much as they truly could. So I feel unfulfilled. My plan, now, is to go to school so that I can do something that could, potentially, make me happy. I would love to be happy.

The only flaw in my plan is unfortunately one that can't be overlooked. I have no idea what I want to do for a living. This makes the application process slightly difficult, as you can imagine.

I took a test a while back to find out what I could do, hoping that perhaps it might give me something to go on. The results? Archaeology, psychology, architecture. These are the areas it gave me. Or be a detective, it says to me. And now, I am supposed to choose one. But see, that's the trouble. I couldn't narrow it down before I took the test. And if you haven't noticed, these options aren't incredibly similar. I realize that I don't have to choose my career based on this if there is nothing there that interests me, but I guess it's easier to choose from a list of four possible careers than a blank page.

That has always been my problem. I can't really make important decisions. I always get a little frightened and don't want the responsibility of ruining my life to fall onto my shoulders, you know, if I make the wrong choice.

Everybody tells me, "Choose a career based on something you love to do. What are some of your hobbies?" To which I respond, "Hobbies? What hobbies?"

Obviously, I must have a couple of hobbies. You would think. But I really can't figure out how to make them into a career. Also, hobbies are what they are because you do them to escape the day-to-day monotony. Anyway, what are my hobbies... let me think a little... Ok. I act. I do like to act. And sing. And really, perform in general. I love performing. But hey, that market is loaded with openings, isn't it? Oh wait, no, I'm lying. It's not. So what if I'm not good enough at it to make it, and then I spend the rest of my life waitressing and trying to break into the biz? I don't think so.

So yes, I do sound very bitter and pessimistic, I know. I'm not really like that. But I'm too much of a realist on this subject I think. It's like, just do what you love, you know? I'm just too scared. Anyway, I want to have a degree in something so that I can fall back on it if necessary. And once again, it comes down to this. I thought, hey, art history could be fun, huh? Or archaeology. That does sound almost appealing.

Anyway, it's getting down to crunch time, and I'm getting a little restless. If I want to go to school this fall, applications are happening now. And I'm missing it. Because really, I'm just a scared little girl. Huh.

my fish, part II

2007-02-04T22:55:00.000-08:00

it's true. i have, in fact, aquired for myself a fish of no distinction. congratulations to me. the thing about it is, this fish has no personality. actually, i'm lying. he has a personality. it's just very blah. this fish has no spirit, no spunk. i put a nice little shipwreck in the bowl, and all he ever does is lean on it. no, really. he's a leaner.

i haven't really been able to make friends with the fish. i tried, but he is completely uninterested in having any kind of relationship with me. and for this reason, i can't figure out how to name it. or even if i should. i'm not sure that i have his permission. i actually asked him, but he was all, leaning, playin it cool, you know? anyway, he didn't answer me.

nevertheless, i did have that poll up for a couple weeks, and at this time i would like to announce the winning name. "fiona the destroyer." go figure.

many thanks to all who participated in this poll. now i have a decision to make. do i a) respect the opinions of the fish whom all of my recent efforts on this subject have been dedicated to, or b) say "screw him" and call him fiona? the destroyer? and hope that maybe he'll grow into the name?

ah, screw it. fiona the destroyer it is.

my fish

2007-01-15T19:03:00.000-08:00

i really need everybody who may or may not stumble upon this humble blog to vote in the poll down... there... yeah a little to the left... uh huh. that's the one. see, i really can't decide on the fish naming thing. help would be quite appreciated, ok toots? thanks, you're really really great. really. great.

new year's eve 150 miles away

2007-01-06T21:25:00.000-08:00

holy smack. (phavorate frase, had to be my first words on my first post of the year.) happy new year y'all! because this blog has not yet become a "must-read" (i'm still holding on to that dream), i'm sure that nobody is actually reading this, and therefore my next comment is likely to be falling on deaf... eyes... but oh, i'm gonna make it anyway.

i hope that your personal new year's celebration was exceptional.

let me tell you about mine. *cue thundercrash... and... BLACKOUT*

fade in on the front of a solitary single-story building with a large sign on the roof reading "Tim Horton's." no lights are on, excepting the small spotlight over the door; the building is deserted. Tim Horton's, that haven which, once, could always be relied upon to satisfy that 3am donut craving, that beacon of hope to many dark strangers with an inability to stay awake in the morning without their daily double-double, is closed. closed. closed. (you know, i've always felt that three's were more dramatic than... not three's.) dark, heavy stormclouds roll in above, accompanied by a loud rumbling that echoes all around (surround sound baby) and the occasional flash of light.

let me just pause for a second and a half to explain to you why the beacon of hope is closed. it's new year's eve. now, back to the story...

*sound fx guy plays that recording of a car with a crappy muffler in the distance.* eventually, carlos (as in "los car," it's spanish), the three-and-a-half-foot-long honda, pulls into the deserted lot in all his rusted glory, carrying with him a couple of passengers. he sits there for a while.

michelle: where the f#!$ is elise? she was supposed to f#!$ing be here thirty-five f#!&ing minutes ago. for f#*$'s sake, we can't just wait here all f###ing night! the f#*$ing place isn't even open!
christy: wow. you said "f#^&" more times than "the" just now. i didn't even know you could do that.
brad: (to himself) she's right, man. elise is way late. dude!
michelle: f*%^.
charlotte. po-tty-mouth.
brad: (to himself) whoa. oh man, dude! i shoulda brought some more drug, i'm like waaay almost empty here... hey, where did all my drug go? whoa! that place is all... dark! wicked.
charlotte: my name is charlotte.
christy: oh look. it is that elise character, pulling into this dark, deserted lot, in a vehicle not her own! oh, that must be that guy she's with!
brad: righteous.
charlotte: hey sweet!
christy: hello elise and strange male character who may or may not have been introduced yet! are you prepared to lead us out to the stranger's house?
elise: yes. please follow.
michelle: f&%$ing rights.
brad: let's go to that booze place, man, i'm totally dry. whoa, dude, look at my hand! *holds hand in front of his face, slowly crossing his eyes* sweet. hey dude, can i drive?
christy: ok!

after a brief stop at the liquor store, the two vehicles begin their long journey to a strange and isolated house 150 miles away.

christy: are we there yet?
michelle: five more f#$%ing minutes.
carlos: we're there!
charlotte: i think we're there.
brad: (to himself) dude, did the car just like, say words... uh? whoa.
charlotte: my name is charlotte.
michelle: you already said that. and we f%^&ing know.
christy: let us proceed into this strange abode together and find out what kind of evening awaits us. michelle, hold my hand please.
michelle: *ad-libs random curse words*

as the unsuspecting victims... uh... people, enter the house, they are greeted by a crowd of people dressed in strange sea-people-related outfits.

captain bob: ahoy, matey's!
hostess: welcome, strangers. my name is hostess, like the cake.
linda: i did not have sexual relations with that woman.
brad: whoa, qualm down dude, nobody said nothing... i think.
travis: i did.
christy: you did say something or you did that woman?
michelle: yeah. be more f$#&ing specific.
travis: (emphatically) yeah!
charlotte: my name is charlotte.
michelle: f&*^ yeah!
hostess: let us eat food and then i shall give you these little books. you can read them one page at a time, and at the end, we can find out who killed what's his face.

fast-forward to much later, after every person is stuffed like a crab... the group sits in the living room and reads the first page of their little books.

captain bob: OOH! i killed what's-his-face!
hostess: alright. now would anybody like to accuse anybody of murdering what's-his-face?
frida: i saw charlotte leaving a store. i think she did it!
linda: i think it was my fiance, travis. he smells fishy.
michelle: f&*%. that's because you live by the f%^#ing sea, you f^$#ing moron.
christy: i think it was captain bob, cuz he was drunk. then again, it could have been me. i do have multiple personalities, and the medication doesn't always work. i'm not mentally stable. maybe it was jane, my other me, although i have no idea who jane is.
brad: dudes, i would like to call carlos to the stand.
hostess: no vehicles in the living room!
brad: whoa. sorry dude, chill.
michelle: whats-his-face f$##ing did it. i f*&^ing saw him!
*beat.*
captain bob: ahoy. i stabbed what's-his-face. i admit it.
hostess: whats-his-face wasn't stabbed. he was shot. remember?
captain bob: oh yeah. *beat.* ahoy. i shot what's-his-face. i admit it.
christy: you're really quite strange.
brad: whoa dudes, something smells fishy here.
michelle: that's because we're right by the f*&$ing sea you f$%#ing moron.
brad: (to himself) righteous.
charlotte: my name is charlotte.
elise: i have a chocolate fountain. yay! let's play in it!
hostess: alright. but first, we must reveal the real killer! it was...

suddenly, the power cuts out.

hostess: AHHH!
christy: AHHH!
charlotte: AHHH!
brad: AHHH dude!
michelle: F%$#!
travis: AHHH!
captain bob: AHHH!
frida: AHHH!
linda: AHHH!
carlos: oy.

suddenly, the power is back on.

hostess: the real killer is... that guy with elise!
that guy with elise: yes, that's right. i did it. and nobody even thought it was me because i am so smooth and greasy. metaphorically speaking, of course. (laughs maniacally.)
elise: alright! sneaky. sneaky. sneaky. (elise, too, believes that three's are more dramatic than... not, three's.) hey, let's go play in my chocolate fountain!
everybody: YAY!

suddenly, it's quarter to midnight! everybody gathers in the other living room to watch the count-down on tv. hostess hands out aluminum pie plates and spoons. the next fifteen minutes are spent watching captain bob, linda, travis, christy, and some new guy try to stick their spoons on their noses. soon...

everybody: TEN, NINE, EIGHT, SIX, SEVEN, FIVE, THREE, TWO, ONE... HAPPY NEW YEAR! BANG BANG BANG!

fade out. the end.

happy new year! make good choices!

christmas. is. lots. of. almost. here.

2006-12-19T18:48:00.000-08:00

alright. three minutes have passed. they were honestly, an eternity. i just can't pretend that i don't NEED to write something. because i do. thats just how i roll.

so holy smack, ten days and no post. i am honestly quite disappointed in myself. however, since it is christmas, the busiest season ever, i am prepared to let it slide. just this once. because i have been freaking busy. yes, that's right, freaking busy. as in, i've been so busy, i'm freaking. just like ridiculously busy. (you know, so busy i'm ridiculous... huh. it may or may not have been funnier in my head.)

i love christmas. yes i do. my favorite holiday. my favorite time of year. love it. oh boy do i ever.

you know what i love most about christmas? (this question is, of course, rhetorical, but if you wish to venture a guess, that's ok too.) i love how everyone is so chipper, and kind, and generous, and chipper... to strangers. its nice. except when you catch the people who are in a rush, because they are, for some reason, not so much of that. pretty much the opposite of that actually. which is kind of a downer since about half the people you run into are in a rush. well, now i'm actually a little upset.

i like happy people. everybody just be happy. and smile.

huh. (not really a title, i know, its just how i feel)

2006-12-19T18:45:00.000-08:00

wow! it looks like ten chocolate-covered christmas-oriented days have passed since my last thought. on this blog, of course. i've thought in between, on my own, you know, in my head... so maybe i'll write something. then again... maybe i won't...

it's almost christmas!

2006-12-09T22:42:00.001-08:00

... and drunk cops are fun.

Scrabble Freak

2006-12-04T22:44:00.000-08:00

There were three of us there, sitting around the table, eyeing one another suspiciously. Glancing occasionally at our tiles. Glancing occasionally at the board. But mostly eyeing one another suspiciously. What, you might ask, could have caused this serious atmosphere? Scrabble. Yes, thats right, my friend, we were doing the unthinkable. Thinking. About words. Real words, that must be found in my trusty Scrabble Dictionary.

Don't worry, I'm making this up. I don't really have a Scrabble Dictionary. We did play Scrabble, though. And I won. (Well, really I HAD to win; I had 2336 + x points.)

Ok. We didn't really play *Scrabble* Scrabble. Honestly, I really have a problem with the rules in board games, or other games, or other things. I don't like rules. I don't like being confined when I am trying to have fun. And I am not alone in this. That, my friend, is why things like this happen.

We changed it up. Oh boy, did we ever change it up. Yes we did. Oh boy.

Tonight, we decided to forsake all of the former rules of Scrabble and follow one, and only one, simple rule: There are no real words allowed. Every turn, each player formed a word from the letters available to him or her, and created a definition from his or her imagination to match said word. Each word, of course, had to be phonetically logical, as in "phuntera," and not "xxyrle," spells "phuntera."

Here are a few of the disasters (of course, by disasters I mean *moments of sheer brilliance*) which followed.

unirigta: a person who has only one rigta.

sintari: 1. a pornographic video game, or 2. a milk-white pickle that glows in the dark.

nepremeg: a cooking paste made from spam and nuts.

rarfasio: cheese made from the milk of dogs.

toagrarfasio: cheese made from the milk of dogs AND bulls (as you might guess, VERY rare).

The moral of the story: Scrabble is my favorite game. Not much of a moral, I know.

thank you, strange passer-by

2006-11-29T18:18:00.000-08:00

so i was walking down the street today, just walking, minding my own business, when out of the blue somebody came around the corner and just walked right by me. minding his own business. thats when i realized, holy smack, is it ever chilly outside! i mean, its friggin cold! like a gazillion below zero! so i went inside.

kamikaze corn

2006-11-29T18:07:00.000-08:00

THIS JUST IN...

A kernel of corn has reportedly jumped off of my plate in an attempt to destroy the tablecloth. Although this is not the first time to have occured, this attack is unique because the "corn," actually an enemy pea which infiltrated the bowl of corn, was found to be unarmed. Which is really too bad for the peas, who will continue to suffer through looking at that awful tablecloth.

on crime and knitting...

2006-11-25T11:59:00.000-08:00

i wonder what would happen if there were no rules. i mean, if there were no cops, or courts, or laws... would people go wild and do whatever the hell they wanted? everything that we, as a society, have shunned? or would they be able to control it?

think with me here, if people were just "allowed" to do anything, i wonder whether they would go around killing each other and stealing from each other all the time, or whether it would just be something else to do. like knitting. knitting is not against the law. everybody could do it with a little bit of effort. but not everybody does. why? granted, knitting is not for everyone. then again, NOTHING is for everyone. so how about this for a thought: wouldn't it just be the same people committing these acts who do now? WITH laws, and courts, and cops? if somebody has some uncontrollable desire, if it's in his nature, to do anything, be it kill somebody, steal something, or knit, there is a major possibility that they're gonna do it. even if the cops say no. if society says no. because people want to express themselves.

now, someone might say, hey, the law keeps people who might consider it from actually doing it. they KNOW it's wrong, and they know that there will be a punishment, so they refrain. however, consider this: if somebody wants to say, kill someone, but he is afraid of his own strength and violent nature, he might possibly justify not doing it with just that. society tells us don't, so he doesn't. not to say that one should always follow his dark urges, because that might get messy. but there is that knowledge looming over him, giving him a reason not to do it. an excuse. now, take that law away. would this person find another reason not to commit this act? would he find another excuse?

what i'm saying here is simply this: there are those who do what they want, regardless of the consequences, and there are those who control these desires.

[insert clever reference here]

2006-11-23T14:33:00.001-08:00

i may find it entirely unnecessary to introduce this, my premier attempt at blogging, but what the smack, i might as well. uncreative, yes. weak, possibly. still, here i am, with absolutely nothing profound or inspiring to say. i thought, hey, maybe i could just take a peek at other people's blogs to get some ideas. so i did. know what i found? other people's blogs. other people's ideas, thoughts, emotions. why would i "borrow" someone else's emotions? i have perfectly ambivalent emotions of my own. so i figure, start typing, and who cares if the words that come out aren't profound. so what if there is nothing there to inspire thought. its what i'm gonna write.
so take that.